are you ready to take the journey?

I was born as a child of light and that presented many problems for me because my presence here was easily noticed by those who wished to dim the light of humanity. My protectors were targeted first and it didn’t take long for my family to fall apart around me, and when it fell apart so did I. As I fell apart I saw society fall apart around me, the synchronicities to my falling were shown to me on the outside, as more and more people decided to take advantage of my innocence and my light, so I had to make a bold and regretful decision to save me life.

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I was presented with a choice. Do I keep taking the abuse, unable to defend myself due to my age, size and inexperience, or do I become one of them, learn who they are and take them down from the inside? I chose the latter because I could no longer take the pain, and it hurt my heart on such a profound level because I had betrayed myself by opening myself up to darkness. Enough was enough, I took more abuse in one lifetime than most people could take in several lifetimes. My body was a punching bag, my bones broken, my soul punished. I was stalked wherever I went by violence and emotional abuse and then one day it caught up to me with great force.

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The problem between me and violence was I didn’t care, it could knock me down as many times as it wanted I would always stand up, so it came at me with everything it had, stopping at killing me. I was in my first year of University when a man took the position needed by the entity of Violence. My head found the edge of a curb and his feet found bits the curb had missed. I still got up, but I had changed, I had been reprogrammed, I was not the same, and it took me decades to recover and heal.

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After that night I could not access who I was, I had become a toxic fool, I had really taken my soul path seriously because I went deep into toxic masculinity, but at the bottom of my heart I could hear my soul saying over and over “You will use this one day to help others”, and I believed it, I knew it was true, and so I went deeper, I took myself to the brink and I survived, but only because of the strength of my soul, the strength of my heart never left my side even when I could not feel it.

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I knew something was not right with me, but because of the despicable violence I had received I could not tell the difference between who I was versus who I had become, and everyone was pleased I was there, none dared try to help me out of my own mess. Then one day I was given a way out, just by chance I found a glitch in the matrix and there I found hope. Believe it or not, my hope came in the form of acknowledgement, the acknowledgement that I was ill, I was not myself and that acknowledgement was all I needed to bring myself back to life. I was diagnosed with many mental conditions and many more I discovered later on, such as Bi-Polar, ADHD, Narcissism, and C-PTSD, but none of them entertained me enough to believe them, they just provided me with the spring pad I needed to heal.

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That day I was acknowledged I sat on top of a barrel of rocket fuel lit the match and set my journey afoot, nothing could stop me now. I took full responsibility for what had happened to me, and instead of pointing the finger at others, I kept pointing it at myself and this quantum leaped me passed everyone who had convinced me they were my betters. Each time someone became comfortable in the skin of their ego, I jumped another hurdle and overtook them, never stopping, never looking back with regret. I tried everything I could to cure, heal everything I had perceived or been diagnosed with. Each time professionals would tell me “it is incurable” looking at me with a cute look of naivety, but I kept going to prove them incorrect, trying everything from differing forms psychotherapy, hundreds of self help books, despondent medication, multiple differing forms of movement and exercise, deep nutritional changes,  a decade of intense martial arts training, changes in wealth, love and relationships, dangerous experimental procedures, adventures in travelling, and so much more, each time taking a small lesson from each and moving forward over another hurdle, slowly getting stronger and stronger, but it was not until I met my ally and game changer in plant medicine that I found my turning point in changing my reality permanently.

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When I began my journey with plant medicine I sat in my first ceremony and the Shaman came up to me in the middle of his healing dance with a sense of urgency placed his hand over my heart and said “The medicine she told me to tell you that you have the heart of a Lion, and this began my journey with spirit animals. The spiritual community was no different from every other tribe because again I met people who wanted to sabotage me and stop me from growing because each time I grew it made others look at themselves and feel shame for not fighting for love. This was a new kind of abuse to me, it was very manipulative, and I fell for all the traps, but I kept going, never stopping for anyone and listening to my soul and that was when I had my first soul retrieval. I booked myself in with a specialist shaman and she told a most significant message - “You are your greatest teacher, never forget that”, and that has stuck with me ever since, coupled with a never-ending mantra of “never give up, it will be worth it”.

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When I could move forward no longer with plant medicine I reassessed it was because others were holding me back so I tried on my own and it was disastrous and dangerous, but these were all lessons learned. I could not find my heart but I would do everything I could to feel it again, and it was not until I reached out to the universe in total desperation from being stuck in the financial rat race for 18 years of abuse that I found a new alignment with my divine purpose, something that would turn my whole world upside down and destroy my life in new and wonderful ways.

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I was told where to go and when I arrived I met my now partner Hazel. I showed her friendship, and she showed me the universe and together we created alchemy and eventually Divine Love. We journeyed together every day for 1000 days and counting and each day was a gift, but there were numerous obstacles and many sabotages that wanted to prevent our love, our journey and our magic, but when a Dragon and a Lion stand side by side they are unstoppable.

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The lessons I learned through the feminine taught me everything I needed to know to heal who I was, to heal everything I was told was unhealable and for that of others, because it taught me the power of love through mirroring my love in the other. It taught me my divine purpose as a man, to remember what it meant to truly be a man, a protector of love and all that seek shelter in the arms of love.

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I am the creator of my own divine purpose and I will stop at nothing to reach my goal. I am in service to the greater divine plan and today and every day I seek to better myself, for I am devoted to love, and any who devote themselves to love will find the gates of heaven open wide for them.

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At the end of every day, it's all about the journey, and if you're not taking the journey, you're not going to succeed. I ​was born with a success mindset because I kept learning. I learned to fall, I learned to stand, I learned to walk, I learned to talk, I learned to learn, I learned to grow, I learned to forgive, I learned to love, but above all, I learned to love and accept myself.

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You are welcome here but tread gently because you are in my heart.

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Aho!